So it's August 18th, 2008, and the sun is shining around 10:45 AM. As I try and write this blog about my summer, there are so many thoughts and issues to process, so I've decided to do this in month-by-month breakdown.

Here goes:


May (In the Beginning) - So after two weeks in work mode, I finally return home from school. Coming home felt relaxing, because I could finally sleep in my own bed, not have to worry about getting up too early for a class, and I could play videogames as much as I wanted to.

Of course, the thing was, I was kinda restricted in my movement, since my brother had to use the car, and my dad had to go to work, as well as my mother, so I would be at home, with nowhere to go from 6AM-5PM. Sucktacular.

At least I have my Xbox 360, PS2, Gamecube, SNES, N64 and DVD's to keep me company....

So pretty much, I'm waiting for the rest of my friends to get out of school and come home, so that I can hopefully hang out with them, or get a jam session together. It's gonna be a long wait...

June (The Steady Decline) - June starts, and there are quite a few situations in front of me. First off, I was without a job, and struggling to get motivated and make phonecalls to even get an interview. Big problem there, I was floating thru life, thinking that everything would pan out in due time....I'll continue with that later.

Secondly, I was running very very low on money. I knew I was in trouble when Rock The Bells 2008, one of the things I had anticipated in the summer, suddenly became a closed door. I was also trying to figure out how to finance the recording and release of a new album, struggling there too, due to a catch-22 of sorts. Either I can finish the album and realize the vision, but then, I wouldn't be able to afford to make the CD-R's, pay the fees needed to host the album on certain websites, or promote it. Or, I could compromise that ideal, and put out a half-baked project, that I could afford to sell, but then would hurt me in the long run.

As all this wore on, I was staying up for long nights frequently, going to bed at 1AM on average, due to the sheer boredom of the daytime. I was barely treading water for that period of time, feeling my hopefulness weaken day after day. Occasionally, there would be the chance encounter that I would be in the company of friends, but I admit, when I came back from these moments, I fell right back into those problems. It was troubling.

Sure, there were some upsides to this month: like watching the Celtics win the title and make Boston a great sports city again, but sadly, that would only be a temporary euphoria.

Because July was when it all fell apart.

July (The Great Collapse 2008 Edition) -
Now, a little background about this month: the story I'm about to describe really happened, and if I offended anyone in some way thru this, I'm (not) sorry.

Back in August 2007, a close friend of mine left for college. No biggie. But what really bugged me is that the last time I got to talk with said person before they left, I had to settle with a cell phone message, because I missed the phone call. Needless to say, I was upset that I let that opportunity slip thru my fingers, and it was still on my mind, and in my dreams when I left for school.

Another opportunity to see this person again came up in January but it too slipped away. Again, I was really frustrated about it, and it was a nagging problem that kept on bugging me.

For months, it seemed to be something that was gradually disappearing. And then, one night, I made a decision to call this person and see how things were going. The conversation was something that for the moment, felt like closure. We both left that conversation feeling happy for each other's futures, and to me, it was like a novel being written, with the final chapter being 99% complete, and the postlude was all that was needed to be written.

However, due to this person's schedule, I was unable to see this person or call them due to their cell phone's bad reception. So I tried as hard as I could to see them again, but all my calls and messages were not returned.

After being driving to frustration over this person, I made the most painful emotional decision to date: I cut them out of my life for good, severing all contact and trying to move on. Or course, abandoning friends that in a way, saved your life from falling apart is hard. But when they become part of your life's myriad of issues, decisions have to be made, none of them easy, a lot of them painful.

All of this took a toll on me emotionally, as I watched my life start to fall apart all over again, without an angel in proximity to pull me out and show me the bright side of these nightmares. Life began to get darker and darker, as I was completely broke without a job, alone in a cruel world, and totally hopeless. I could not see myself past a certain point in time, and my positive, go-lucky attitude disappeared, being replaced by a sense of skepticism. I was playing a great poker face around most of my friends and family, because I was worse off than I let on to anyone....

August (Escaping the Tunnel of Darkness) - So as August began, I was going into the month, damaged emotionally, and trying to somehow re-assemble the pieces of my fragmented life. As the days went on, a change of my normally crappy luck was in full swing. I managed to get a chance to put my new album on Amazon.com's MP3 Store, and I was slowly coming to terms with all of this in my life. I managed to get real lucky and finally find employment (it will be short, but it's money being made).

So as I close this emotional recap of the summer of 2008, I obviously have a few people to thank for keeping me together through conversations and moments hanging out together...

• Dave "Indie" Armstrong: In the dark and nightmarish moments of my summer, you were one of the people that I could feel as if I could really relate to. From all those late night conversations, you became more than a mere acquaintance from college, to being one of the closest people I've met in recent memory.
  
• James Brower: We've been friends for the longest time, and you've been nothing short of loyal and trustworthy throughout all of this, being understanding and the guy that I could talk to about stuff.
• Chris Tobin: Hanging out with you this summer have been some of the better moments of this summer, from watching The Dark Knight on opening day, to playing Rock Band with you and pretending to be rock stars. You are one of the closest friends I have and I thank you for enhancing my life by being around with me. Rock on.
• Greg Pulisfer: It's more than being the only guy that I can carry on a 2 hour pro-wrestling conversation, with various YouTube links. It's the fact that even though I never told you how bad my life was, talking with you helped me to temporarily escape my problems. I am gracious for those moments and those laughs that we exchange through random conversation.
• Morgan Tharp: I can honestly say that she's the sister figure in all of this, and that's not a knock on her character, it's a testament to it. Every time I talk to her, I can feel as if I have someone who's understanding of the myriad of problems I had/have/will have, and also, keep me from feeling totally negative and losing hope, and keep me positive. Thanks homie, you have no idea how much you've helped me out of this rut, without knowing it all.

So I will end this with a Aesop Rock quote from his song "One Of Four":

I guess it is kind of funny when you look at it from a step back
How one man can literally buckle under the same pressures
Other men operate normally under
I have scoped this out from all angles, walking through time
I have been over everything in my head, 'till I can't think anymore
But I guess some times, when you can't breathe, there are people there
to breathe for you
I am lucky enough to have those people around me

Thank you for reading